Welcoming 40

Chosen Family for the win

Jul 08, 2025

40 has always been one of those birthdays I wasn’t looking forward to, merely for the fact that my late sister Dawn was 40 when she passed away. Of course, I am not worried about my ride around the sun is about to be over, but it always sat in the back of my mind as a cutoff for accomplishments in a way. Like a deadline for whatever imaginary game I was playing on myself.

In recent years, the celebration of getting older was reduced to my immediate family with some kind of ice cream cake of my choosing. 38 in Ireland was a special moment, but nothing could have prepared me for what 40 would hold in store.

As I’ve become more comfortable in my new career of hosting international travel groups, I’ve met some of the most amazing humans I now have the honor of calling family.

You Remember Ellen!

You see, my mother was one of 9 children. 8 girls and one lone boy. That is a whole ass estrogen ocean I was raised in. It wouldn’t be until I was an adult, raising my children far away from the chaos that extended family brought, that I would realize just how unhealthy it all was. To this day, I only keep in touch with two of my aunts.

One is a rolling stone. Last I heard, she was in South Florida. The other is my all-time favorite aunt, Cindy. The fun, crazy who shaped my life in the strangest and most beautiful ways at the same time.

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But as I got older and less tolerant of mind games and gossip, the more I missed that chaos. Or maybe it was just the variety of women a generation above me, with whom I craved a deeper relationship.

In walks all of these amazing women (and sometimes some brave men). From all different backgrounds, ages, races, economic classes, you name it, and they are different. With stories that span the American dream. Impressive souls that have lived lifetimes of hardship, while kicking life’s ass and taking names. Doctors, famous musicians, accountants, grandmothers… everyone brings something different to our table.

But the one thing they have repeatedly taught me is that the people who genuinely love you will show up. And I don’t just mean on trips. I mean for birthdays, and late-night FaceTimes. Hair appointments and Disney days when people venture into my hellscape of Florida.

They show up in ways I wish I could get my own family to show up in sometimes. I mean, after all these years, I’ve come to terms with the reality that most of my biological family really are complete strangers to me these days. I’m not the person they knew twenty years ago. For that, I am eternally grateful.

My 40th Birthday was no exception. From the thoughtful gifts that brought tears to my eyes, or the stupid pictures of my face plastered to every inch of the restaurant. But come on, guys… the fake tattoo sleeves too? Everything, every detail, was so well thought out… it was perfect.

Beyond my own immediate family… no one has ever shown up for me like that. Is this really what it feels like?

We’ve made our own family. All of us as individual outcasts have found each other in a very beautiful way. We have created the family and bonds we craved from the people who surrounded us at one point or another.

Instead of desperately waiting for it to be reciprocated, we rallied around each other with that love and support we always craved.

Over the years, I’ve repeatedly said biology isn’t what makes a family. And after celebrating my 40th birthday with them… we don’t need genetics to call each other family. Because that is exactly what we are.

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I am so very grateful for each and every person who makes up my wonderful community online. You’ve made this possible, and you continue to show up for me in such amazing ways.

From the bottom of my heart, I love you all!