Deja Vu in the Weirdest Way

You may need tissues

During my early years my favorite person would also be the least consistent in my life. My big sister Dawn was fifteen years my senior and 100% ready to be an adult by the time I came into the picture. With a new baby at home, and a business my mom had a hard time chasing her in the mid-80’s.

When I was sick, I wanted my sissy. Sometimes she would magically re-appear for a couple days before back into the wind she would roam.

I have a hand full of very distinct memories of Dawn in my early childhood but not enough as I would like. The problem was, she was never there. It wouldn’t be until I was in fifth grade that she would become more of a constant in my life.

Around the time I was my daughter’s age (almost 13) that we really started to have the relationship you would think of when you think of sisters. It wouldn’t be long until my teenage years would mean I automatically hated anything and everything my parents had to say. But, when I couldn’t take it anymore I had somewhere I could go and hide out.

It wasn’t until recently when I had one of those stop you on a dime moments, like Tim McGraw would say. Driving home from the Eras Tour movie in the car with my daughter (after her friends would flake on her earlier in the day) we blasted Taylor Swift and screamed along to the lyrics. Her age registered. My memories registered. The car concerts, except instead of Janis Joplin, its Taylor Swift.

It felt like someone kicked me in the chest.

Because those same memories and things that I always did with my sister are all of the things my daughter and I now are just starting to do together. For a long time there was this void, you never think could ever be filled again, and then life throws a complete bag of what the fuck at you and life comes full circle.

The space you never thought could be occupied once again becomes to abundantly full once more with the same unconditional love. That shit is priceless and so beyond therapeutic.

It’s a gift straight from my sister herself.

So like Taylor says…

So make the friendship bracelets
Take the moment and taste it
You've got no reason to be afraid

Take the pictures. Make the memories. Go to the concert. Say fuck it. Because you only get one go at this thing called life. And fuck man, my sister would be so pissed if I squandered it.

I never thought I would get a chance at this again. But I sure am glad that it is here now.

I’m not crying, you’re crying. Okay!

I told you… you might need tissues.