5th Time is a Charm
I guess it was all about timing...
You see that little baby… that is yours truly. In fact, that is one of the very first family photos we would have. My mother to the left with her stellar 80’s hair, before that same cut morphed into a mullet for a short stint. Dirt stash? Whose lap I am sitting on.. older brother. Eh, minor footnote in any of this and non-existent in my adult life.
To my right, my entire world and the main character of this story. My late sister, Dawn. Oh, and my Dad all the way to the right. Before I made him go gray.
I lost Dawn unexpectedly in 2011. The same year my own daughter was born. Since then I had a career as an author, but the one story I genuinely wanted to write just wouldn’t come to me. I can’t tell you how many times I have sat down and started a new file with he sole purpose of it becoming this book but always just becoming a footnote in a folder on my desktop that remains untouched.
2024 changed that for me. And maybe the fifth time really is the charm when it comes to selling the story of my sister Dawn, our relationship, and the women who surrounded us. Raised us. Shaped us into the humans we would become. Even after I would be forced to say goodbye to her way too soon.
I don’t necessarily think it was the year itself, but the people and the experiences that helped my healing process. It wouldn’t really be until I was back from Norway and Amsterdam with my youngest, Addison that I would be able to put some of the pieces together. The past year has given me a new relationship with my daughter, which in so many ways has mirrored the relationship I had with my older sister.
Fifteen years old when I was born, we had quite the age gap. I was the second marriage baby, but I was glued to my big sister any chance I would get. Literally. Especially if I was sick. Nevertheless her presence in my life during my early years would be sparing. She was a real rebel Dotty. Bonus point’s if you got the Pee Wee reference.
My mother was busy with a baby and my sister used it as an opportunity to pioneer Girls Gone Wild before that other douchebag. It wouldn’t be until she would do a little time in jail, and get sober for the rest of her life that we would have a real opportunity to build our relationship.
She really came back into my life full time around the time I was 12-13. The very same age my daughter is now. She got married, had a baby, was living her best life. On the weekends she would save me from the four walls of my bedroom and away from my mom. Because you know, all teenage girls butt heads with their mother at that age.
Our story began there.
In the years I needed someone the most because it really seemed like she was all I had. Yes, I had friends. But nobody was ride or die like she was. She was my other half. She was my big sister. And the friendship we had during those years would shape me as a person, a human being, and of course most of all… a woman. Her stories, what she went through, listening to what our mother went through. It shaped us.
When Addison would venture half way around the globe for a concert it all started to click for me. The year I would welcome my daughter into the world (April) would be the year I would be forced to say goodbye to my sister (in October). The full circle of life would bring me the friendship back. I just had to wait thirteen years and fuck shit up with a whole lot of therapy to realize it.
That is when this project genuinely took shape. The healing, the grief, the hole that I had been living with for over a decade was finally full. I don’t know if my sister brought me that peace. I don’t know if it was just some weird form of closure. Maybe the trip and that bonding experience was just missing for me to make that realization until that moment.
Now, I am on FIRE Y’all!
The writing bug has bit your girl HARD! I am so excited because I know this time… is it. I have been hard at work writing every single day. On top of Tik Tok, the newsletters, recording for Oz After Dark, and everything else. I cannot wait to share this with you!
In the past, I independently published my novels. This time around I am actually toying around the idea with shopping it to a traditional publishing house. So, let the fun begin! Right? AHH! HAHAH!
I cannot wait to share more about this project as it begins to come together. Next stop? Book Cover!
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I thank you so much for keeping your video's and posted words available to us. We cannot pay for every content creators Substack pages. It's impossible to afford it all. Many of you are vital to us. Especially during these uncertain times. Literally, keeping many of us sane! Many. I thank you so much for remaining available to millions of us. You are an amazing woman. Be well. Keep up the great work. One day, I plan to join your travel adventures. JDF
Loved it ❤️your dribbling must have spoiled being the little one in the family. “I don’t make monkeys. I just train them.”